Disorganized

Ever have those sudden urges in your life where you basically just want to stop everything?

Like, attain complete freedom in a sense.

It’s not that I don’t like the world or something, I just need my break time.

SubhanAllah life is always in fast forward mode now. There are really no breaks.

Wake up, no time for breakfast, drive, get to school, sit in class, study, pray, eat, class, drive, get back home in the evening, eat food, sleep.

Repeat.

Of course all the things like spending family time and talking with friends is implied.

There needs to be SOME time where you can just sit back and relax, like a mini-vacation.

Sadly, that’s not very possible anymore.

We’ll only really and truly be free once we pass the Day of Judgment. Insha’Allah we get Jannah.

With this lifestyle, people often get extremely stressed out, some go nearly on the verge of suicide, it’s that crazy.

There just has to be SOME time you have to take out for yourself, alone, to just think.

Contemplate, ponder, whatever you want to call it.

One way of doing this is not devoting all of your time to other things.

Sure it’s good to volunteer and such, but you gotta be moderate with your time or you’ll burn yourself out.

Kinda like what’s happening to me.

AlMaghrib is this week, it doesn’t even seem like that at all.

It’s also the week after this week.

There’s planning to be done. I have tests next week, e-mails I have to send out, fliers I gotta make, a MIST meeting I have to go to, studying I have to do, now they want me to head up a department at TDC, blah blah blah la la la la la.

It’s funny how they have the MAYO organization now, because I’m like, a member of every single organization a part of that group.

It kind of feels like I’m working two jobs again, though this is like, overdrive.

And then sleep comes into play. Gotta get sleep, gotta wake up for Fajr on time, gotta wake up for class on time.

I’m actually really dumb. I don’t know why I got myself to take early morning classes, I knew I would have had problems waking up for them.

Stupid.

Just so much to do, I gotta prioritize. A very hard thing to do when you got family on your back for every little thing as well.

I just have this mental block. I don’t know why. For some reason I don’t want to accept all the responsibilities at once.

Insha’Allah it gets better and I can focus more. Maybe some motivation or inspiration…

If only I got a clear cut answer…

Allah knows best.

Keep Your Head Up

Finishing school and getting a job is not the end of your life.

You don’t stop there.

Think big. And I mean BIG.

What would you want to do in life?

Is it helping people? Feeding the poor? Helping people get married? Becoming a renown speaker? Writing books? Making music? Painting? Creating things? Drawing?

What do you genuinely LIKE doing?

Would you do this even if you didn’t get paid for it?

Find out whatever that is, and plan to do something big with it.

We’ve been given so many resources, so many chances to do things.

Everything is so easy now. People in our shoes 50 years ago could not have imagined some of the things we can do now.

You can find the entire database of hadith online now, you don’t even have to pick up a book.

Find out what your talents are.

After you figure them out, think of what you could do to use them in a beneficial way for the Ummah.

If not for the Ummah then at least for the rest of the human race.

Think BIG. Take a piece of paper and write it all out when you have time.

There’s honestly nothing you can’t do, just remember to think big.

And don’t forget, your greatest enemy is closer than you think.

Enchanted

You’ve bewitched me.

An unending river of feelings, blossoming inside.

Within seconds, I was entranced.

The intensity of emotion. Overwhelming.

What was a casual glance became the flutter of a heart.

The endless depth in your eyes.

Nothing seems ordinary anymore.

I don’t understand what happened.

It is at this point irrelevant.

Anywhere I may go, there is peace amidst pandemonium.

Intoxication prevails.

Lost in the feverish alternate reality.

Desperately trying to hang on by a thread.

All that seems difficult is no more.

Because of you.

Complete the dream or awaken me in cold sweat from slumber.

The bond cannot be left, even willingly.

It cannot be broken, my attempts are useless.

You must know, surely, it is all for you.

My affections and wishes have not changed.

I’m asking you to end my agony.

One word from you will silence me forever.

I only wait in anticipation, for it is inevitable.

You’ve bewitched me, body and soul.

Tawakkul

I’m so dumb, no wonder.

Allah gave me a sign, right there in front of me.

The irony of it is so funny.

I even saw it, saw it and ignored it, thought it didn’t really matter much. Today I went back through and saw it again, and just zoned out in disbelief.

How?

Man I’m stupid, it’s no wonder at the very last moment when I realized, everything started to happen once again.

Right when I realized I was wrong, and I corrected myself, everything fell back into place, subhan’Allah.

Put your trust in Allah, not how much du’a you make, or how much you contemplate, it’s in Allah’s Hands, He knows what you’re going to ask for before you even ask, He already KNOWS.

Don’t trust your du’as, trust Allah. Biggest mistake of my life.

It’s so amazing how we’re all interconnected.

I look at the world like the white room of the Matrix. Every single object and person being placed in specific areas for a specific time, specifically for me. Maybe everything’s a test, maybe some things aren’t.

But at the SAME TIME, this is happening for every single person in the world, right now.

The fact that you’re reading this just proves my point. My blog could be some kind of test for someone I don’t even know, who happens to randomly come here due to a search in Google.

Maybe they go away from this blog learning something new, or thinking in a different way.

Subhan’Allah, so crazy.

But alhamdulillah though, I found out in the best possible way that I was wrong. The very thing I made du’a for gave me the reminder. =)

So never, ever give up.

No matter how hard it may seem.

However down you may feel.

Even if things aren’t going the way you want them to.

Or if everything is just not turning out the way you wanted.

Allah is the best of planners. Always remember. Always keep your hope alive.

Always. He’s with you.

The Anima

Why exactly is my blog even called the Anima? What the heck does that even mean?

I’ll just post a bit of the history that went behind into making my blog.

This post will probably get really philosophical, so I’m just warning you in case you don’t want to get confused out of your mind.

The Anima is basically the shadow self of a person.

The Anima (male), Animus (female), or, more simply, the Soul, is the route to communication with the collective unconscious.

The anima/animus represents our true selves, as opposed to the masks we wear every day and is the source of our creativity. It’s basically where all that inspiration within us comes from, you could even say it’s where the iman rush comes from as well.

Back in the day, I always questioned the existence of a higher being.

Raised in an environment full of athiests and agnostics, my own beliefs weren’t as solid as they should have been.

I began to question everything, I couldn’t take things from face value.

I remember taking walks at night, just thinking for hours, wondering what human beings were really created for.

We come from out of nowhere. Can you remember anything from when you were 1 or 2 years old?

Where were you before you were born?

And now you’re suddenly here, in the middle of nowhere on some blue planet, in the middle of NOWHERE in the universe.

What the heck is going on? It’s mind blowing, really.

Those were the kinds of thoughts that would go through my mind on a daily basis.

I was always a fan of Jungian theory, the idea that human beings are able to evolve and become something greater than what we are now.

The idea that we are able to transcend onto certain levels through concentration and meditation. Ideas that we can surpass goals and limitations by the sheer willpower of our concious and subconcious mind.

The human potential. That’s what Jung was all about.

The Anima resembled the state of my soul, and the transformation into what I wanted it to become.

Little did I know that I would be in for a crazy, spiritual awakening journey.

The past year of my life has probably been the best.

Long gone are the days of societal boundaries and brick walls.

I began to realize Islam was the key to understanding my role.

It was also the key to understanding why I was created.

Many people have certain goals, they may want to be doctors, lawyers, rockstars, engineers.

I always had some feeling that I had an important part to play. I still don’t know what it is exactly, but there’s some calling I’m meant for, and it’s not any of those.

It’s something on a massive scale. Something that will move and change the world. Something that will strike that inspiration into the hearts and souls of people.

Something…

I have to let the pieces fall where they may.

I’m meant for a higher purpose. I believe I have to prove myself worthy of existence to Allah (SWT).

I can’t tell you why I feel this way or why I believe this, it’s just a feeling. Something I can’t describe with words.

It’s my purpose. The reason for which I am alive.

To serve Allah (SWT) by any means necessary. It is this purpose which has brought my mind to this realization.

I feel there’s something bigger. Something I’m meant to do. An idea, a thought, something there, waiting for me to reach in and grab it.

It won’t necessarily be something that is heard about for generations. It most likely will never make it to the public square.

But it will make itself into the hearts of people, and that is where the reality of it all lies.

Ashes to ashes, from dust to dust.

I thank Allah (SWT) for bringing me back. Now it’s time to step through the shadow.

“In this life, some people are born like keys that move the world and exist having no connection to the social hierarchy established by man.” – Berserk